Bon Appetit

It started with the Sextracker statistic I stumbled over in a tech journal.

“70% of all internet pornography viewing is done between the hours of 9AM and 5PM.”
–Sextracker.com

Then, an employee brings in a home computer. “My child has been looking at porn. Can you help me track the activities?” Sure, during lunch breaks. Then — “How do I look at browser history? I think my boyfriend has been looking at porn. LOTS of porn.” I wonder if that has anything to do with the darkening skies, rain, etc driving people back inside.

The interesting thing here is that’s the conflict isn’t stemming from looking at naked people. It’s from secrets. In both cases, people are hurt that those who view aren’t open about it.

We’re supposed to be enlightened in America, right? Porn 50 years ago seems like National Geographic photo essays on naked natives. Or the chunky pulp stuff which gradually gave way to Betty Page, the golden age of pinups. But today, we have events celebrating the artistic side of porn. We have Gina Lynn’s column at Wired (yes, I read it), Sex Drive. We have Dan Savage, columnist for the Stranger, who is so over the top I feel queasy when I read him. We have researchers showing monkey porn to male monkeys (I couldn’t make this up). We have the very people in my office that came to me for help saying “… and I understand being curious, and wanting to see it …” They’re stressing their understanding side.

It would be so unhip to condemn porn.

In both of the above cases, the person worried tried to separate the action (viewing porn) from the trespass (keeping a secret / lying). I was pulled in initially for my technical skills in sussing out the porn, but gave advice anyway.

I don’t think you can keep these things separate, because the action is what drives the trespass. If someone wasn’t confused about what role porn should play in their life, they hide it. They don’t feel confident with seeing it, and so their insecurity compells them to hide.

It’s funny, because the thing that would clear this up is confrontation. But when you’re hiding something, you figure out how to do it well. A constant focus on clearing the web browser history, or hiding your magazines, or whatever else you’re insecure about. I say funny because the root of the issue is there, and it’s being ignored by the focus on hiding. A hider isn’t working on that root, only on hiding.

Until somebody gets wise and it’s knock, knock, we need to talk.