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Pre-Zebra Mustache

Posted: September 28th, 2005 | Author: ralphhogaboom | Filed under: life | Tags: , , | No Comments »

“I want mustaches, and clothes from the Goodwill, tight clothes — and fake guns.” I say all this, making big gestures with my hands, to the bemused expression of exactly one person. ”Then, someone — I don’t know who, it’s not important,” with a dismissive wave; “does a roll over the hood of a car, comes up with the gun out and flashes a badge: ‘PTPD! Freeze!‘”


I Had A Baby Today

Posted: April 7th, 2004 | Author: ralphhogaboom | Filed under: life | Tags: , , , , , , , , | No Comments »

It’s a boy!

Nels Hogaboom (no middle name as of yet)

born 8 lbs, 7 oz

21 inches long

home birth in the tub — water baby

The birth experience was really, really nice. I couldn’t imagine wanting to have a baby in a hospital again. Now that I’ve been all the way through the home birth, I can appreciate how — mundate — it is. It’s not some crazy, we-need-professionals-in-sterile-rooms Serious Operation. It’s a thing the woman’s body was meant to do, the body excels at doing. DLR said it best: might as well jump.


Hello? Honey, it’s SPRINT.

Posted: January 29th, 2004 | Author: ralphhogaboom | Filed under: life | Tags: , | No Comments »

January 29th, 2004 @ 8:29 am

Got a phone call tonite.

Unknown Caller: “This is …. Bob … with Sprint PCS wireless … you’ve been preselected to receive a Sprint PCS free wireless-”

Me: Really? That sounds like a great deal!

Bob from Sprint: “Good. Then all I need is to confirm your billing address.”

Me: Okay, I’m ready.

Bob from Sprint: “Your address is one-three-two-four fourteen … th … Street in Port Townsend Washington, 98368?”

(brief silence)

Me: I can’t tell you that.

Bob from Sprint: “What do you mean?”

Me: Well, that’s something that I just can’t tell you. Next question.

Bob from Sprint: (laughing) “You can’t tell me? Sir, I need to confirm this mailing address for you to qualify.”

Me: Do what you gotta do.

Bob from Sprint: “Uhhh … okay .. What? I don’t understand …”

Me: What do I have to do?

Bob from Sprint: “Tell …. tell me your … confirm your mailing address. Is this Ralph H – O – G – A – B – O – O – M ?”

Me: Yes, it is.

Bob from Sprint: “And you do receive mail at one-three-two-four 14th street in Port Townsend, Washington, 98368?”

Me: There is no way I can tell you that information. I can neither confirm or deny that.

Bob from Sprint: “Wait … I …. uh, where do you live? Do you live in a house? … I don’t understand!”